Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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