Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
