Im at strip club and am horny
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
