Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
