We're facebook friends in real life
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
we're making bets on your personal life
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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