I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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