but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
