Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
