No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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