ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
