Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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