I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
