i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
handjob tips. give me some.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
