i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
