is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
