Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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