So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
