Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
