dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
