Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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