margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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