Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
