you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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