I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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