Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
