Dual....:-)
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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