are you so shy because you have an std?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
