i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
