you turned your livingroom into a bong?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
