She's JV to your varsity
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
