Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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