i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
