yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
