I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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