I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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