you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
