By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
