Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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