I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
