This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
