Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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