I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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