hotel room ftw
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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