Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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