how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
