Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think a kid would responsible me up
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
