her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
