the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
