I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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