Will you blow on my dice?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
