DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Randomize
