So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
There's always time for handjobs
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
