Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
